Nick Pulsipher’s blog

When I started this blog I meant to post quite a bit. My main plan was to talk about dreams I had and share stories i've written throughout my life. That's still the plan. For a while I put this blog on the back burner while I took care of other things. I'm going to say about three years ago I started writing a novel. It might be less but I have been at it for a long time. I have this notebook that's dedicated to just that novel. When I first started the novel I was writing on it pretty much every day. It's been my dream since I was in grade school to write a novel. I have a computer that I can write it on but I prefer writing by hand. I get more enjoyment out of it that way. That also meant that this novel would take quite a bit of time to write. I didn't mind just as long as I got it done. As time goes on and all you're thinking about is that one story 24/7, no matter how good it is you eventually start to get tired of it. Not saying that it's a bad story. I quite like the novel i'm writing but I know the story by heart. It's replayed itself in my mind hundreds of times. I'm not coming up with a reason to stop writing it. I will finish it. It's just taking a long time. Right now i've set it aside. The story sits in a dusty notebook waiting to be finished and when the time is right I will. Right now i'm focusing on a completely different novel. This year I participated in NaNoWriMo and it's been one of the best writing experiences of my life. NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. The entire month of November is devoted to writing a 50,000 word novel. I started on the first and by the fifteenth I finished the novel. I went in with an idea. Just a short scene I had in my mind. It was one of those ideas you jot down just so you don't forget them but most of the time you don't do anything with them. The scene was of a man driving on the freeway in the carpool lane. His passengers are dead people. His license plate says TXDRMY. I know it's kind of corny. I just got that in my head one day and wanted to find a home for it. Why I picked that idead for NaNoWriMo I can't really say. I'm glad I did though. What I wrote turned out better than anything else I've written except for the novel I was working on before all of this started. In fifteen days I accomplished that one thing i've wanted to do for a long time and now matter how much I type about how I feel I don't think I could give the feeling complete justice. I'm happy. When I think about it my mouth stretches into a tight smile that doesn't go away easily. I didn't feel this way when I graduated from high school or when I got my first paycheck or when I first asked a girl out and they were crazy enough to say yes to me. This feeling is new to me. It will probably change a little once I start going through the novel and doing some rewriting but most likely not. I actually like to rewrite. That's when new ideas come out. Ideas that make the story even better. I look forward to that but I'm going to let it rest for a bit. Just like the other novel. I'll get to it because writing is what I love. It's what I live and breathe for and I promise that my stories aren't as bad as this blog i'm writing right now. I guess what I've been trying to say all along is a lot of things were happening and it forced me to neglect this blog. I'm going to do better though. I have a few new short stories that I plan to post soon. One of them is about ready. The other needs cleaned up just a little bit more. Anyways, hopefully my next post will be soon. If it isn't it's because I got busy again but I promise i'll be back. Not that anyone actually reads my blog.

I was lying in a hospital bed covered in bandages. A friend showed up to visit me and I asked her if she would take some pictures of my wounds. When she took off the bandages I saw that I was covered in slash marks. It looked like I had been mauled by a bear. She took out her cell phone out and started taking pictures. Then suddenly she reaches down and rips open the wounds and starts taking pictures of my insides. I screamed for her to stop, telling her it hurt so bad but she wouldn't listen to me. Nurses and doctors walked by the door and I called for them to stop my friend but they wouldn't even look in my direction. I'm not sure what happened next. I might have gone on to dreaming about something else or I could have woken up at this point. It left me with a knot in my stomach but I guess a knot in my stomach is better than my friend's hand rifling around my internal organs.

OUT OF TUNE

            Stuart’s eyes roamed around his room and books stared back at him, stacks and stacks of books. Normally he would greet them with a smile and look forward to pouring himself over their pages. Today he could hardly stand the sight of them. There was nothing wrong with them. Reading was his hobby and he was good at it but he found himself starting to get bored with it. It was time for a new hobby and he knew just the thing. Next to reading he loved listening to music. Why not try to make some of his own? It wasn’t long before he found himself standing in a guitar shop. That’s the way he was. Once he got an idea in his head he was quick to act on it.

 “Can I help you?” Someone asked. 

He’d been standing in front of a wall lined with acoustic guitars. They were all so foreign to him. He’d never even held one before. He’d lost track of how long he’d been inside the guitar shop.

            He looked over and met the eyes that went with the voice. It was a girl with sandy blonde hair and a friendly smile painted on her face.

            “Umm,” he thought for a second. “No, I’m just looking around.”

            “Okay,” she said. “Let me know if you need any help. You’re welcome to pick up a few and play if you want.”

            After she left he went back to looking at each guitar. His eyes stopped on one with a light brown grain and a black border. He reached out and touched the smooth surface. Before he knew what he was doing he’d lifted it up into his arms. It was a perfect fit. This is it, he told himself. This is the one. By the time he made it home with his new purchase he realized he’d never even plucked a string. He’d just known this was the guitar for him.

            He flipped through a few how-to books he’d found at the shop and started to teach himself how to play but something was wrong. The chords didn’t sound right. He spent several nights trying to make a pleasant sound come out of the guitar but all that came out was noise. It’s broken, he thought. As time went by the guitar started to collect dust and he found himself picking up his books once again. Stick with what you know, he told himself. That way you can’t disappoint yourself.  

            It wasn’t long before the sight of the guitar became too much for him. He thought of his friend Ray, with his long greasy black hair and wrinkled clothing. He had that just got out of bed

 look a lot of rockers have. Maybe he’d be interested in taking the guitar off his hands. He decided he better call him.

            “Yeah, dude,” Ray had slurred over the phone. “I’ll come look at it tomorrow.”

            Stuart couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Their differences were astounding. Ray was the guy that would sit in the back of a classroom half asleep while Stuart sat in front hanging on the teacher’s every word.

            That night, as sleep started to weigh its heavy body on Stuart’s eyelids there was a thump on the wall. In the dark he could make out the outline of his guitar lying on the floor. The strings hummed for a moment. He walked over and propped it back up and quickly forgot about it. In the morning as he showed Ray the guitar and saw all the finger marks in the dust he thought nothing of those as well.

            “She’s beautiful dude,” Ray had said. “How much you want for her?”

            “Six hundred,” Stuart said. Ray let out a whistle.

            “Six hundred,” he repeated. “All right. I can do that. Just give me a few days.”

            Stuart had settled himself in for the night. The day had been good. He’d found a home for his guitar and he could finally put that behind him. His bed molded to his body in a loving embrace. As he slept, a soft melancholy tune filled his ears. It glided over his body. It touched his heart. He’d never heard such beauty and sadness. His mind searched for the image that was making the haunting sound but it wasn’t coming from him.

His eyes sprang open and his worst fears were realized. The sound remained. He looked over at his guitar resting on a man’s lap. He wanted to scream but couldn’t. The only sound in his room was coming from the guitar.

The man was a moving silhouette, as dark as the shadows that covered Stuart’s walls. A sliver of moonlight from the window showed his outline hunched over the guitar. A cowboy hat on top of his head bobbed along with the music. When the song ended he spoke in a voice that was soft and sad, like the music.

            “Such a beautiful sound. Peaceful, don’t you think?”

            Stuart didn’t answer, only stared.

            “They say that music comforts the soul, brings peace to the restless spirit. It’s true. I haven’t heard any in a while. It’s nice to hear it again. I missed that feeling.”

            He talked through the night, stopping occasionally to let his fingers make more music come out of the guitar. He talked until sunlight crept through the window and chased him and every other shadow away. Stuart stared at the spot long after the man had gone. His eyes felt like they were on fire.

            A flood of relief came over him when Ray finally came to pick up the guitar. Ray salivated over it. He played a few songs and talked about how nice they sounded coming out of the guitar. Stuart had the look of patience but just beneath the surface he couldn’t wait for Ray to leave. He never saw the man again but sometimes at night he swears he can hear someone sobbing. On these nights he puts on his Discman and lets the music drown the sound out. It turned out the man was right. Music really did comfort the soul.

A few nights ago I had a nightmare. I was swimming in a lake and a crocodile came out of nowhere and bit down on my foot. I struggled to get away but the crocodile wouldn't allow it. Suddenly another crocodile appears in front of me and I watch in horror as it opens its mouth, exposing sharp yellowed fangs, and bites down on my head. Both the crocodiles spun into a death roll at this point and twisted me apart.

I woke up not long after with a racing heart and despite many efforts I never fully got back to sleep. Sleep came in small doses but that was it. It's been a few days and the nightmare is still fresh in my mind. I keep seeing the fangs edging closer and closer to my face. A few details have added since then. Saliva as thick as cords drips down the side of the crocodile's mouth and I can feel the bones in my foot and ankle being crushed to dust. As much as I would love to push this image out of my mind I can't and I realize that i'm mostly to blame. Had this not been a dream this would have been precisely the kind of image I would have sought out for one of my stories.

When I was younger I remember starting to write a short story that involved a character being decapitated. I remember telling my mom about it and how excited I was and at the same time how concerned she was. She told me to be careful, that seeking out these images could be unhealthy, that someday these images would seek me out. I didn't really understand what she meant at the time but I do now. It's like if you surround yourself with positive things and people that can really affect your mood in a positive way. The same thing applies here. I've spent most of my life creating stories that sometimes they just come to me.

I wrote down the nightmare in a little notebook I always keep near me. I may never use it in a story and I can't say if i'd really want to but i'll keep it just in case. You never know. 

What's the biggest disappointment you've suffered?

I had to think on this one for awhile. Life is filled with them. I guess for me it's looking back on high school and regretting that I skated under the radar. At the time I just wanted school to be over and done with. I didn't really hang out with people because of my social anxiety. I always watched the clock, willing it with all my might to hurry up so I could go home. I didn't participate in any sports or any of the events that took place after school hours. I didn't go to my own prom. I took a friend to her senior ball a few years after I graduated and had so much fun that I wished I would have gone to my own. The problem was at the time I was so nervous to talk to girls. Rejection scared me so I just didn't put myself out there. I might have avoided it but at the same time I missed out on a lot. I don't live in regret though. I still got so much life left to live. If I wallowed in regret I wouldn't be moving forward. So that's pretty much it. I wouldn't have kept to myself so much. High school wasn't a bad experience but other than making it through it and getting that diploma it wasn't much of a memorable experience either. I've still got a long way to go as far as putting myself out there so I can enjoy experiences I would otherwise miss out on but i'm trying. It's a day to day process and i'm not the only one that goes through social anxiety. When I remember that it makes it not that hard. Part of the struggles in life I think come from the fact that we often feel alone. We feel that no one could possibly know what we are going through but in sharing my feelings with others I've learned that a lot of people have the same struggles. My diploma sits in my room in a spot where I see it everyday. It's a good accomplishment. It reminds me that I made it through thirteen years of school but it also reminds me to put my best foot forward and that regrets of the past don't have to be future regrets.

If could re-live one day of your life, which day would you choose?

I had joined the Navy and after one day in boot camp a psychologist decided that I didn't belong there. There is a lot to what happened and perhaps someday I will blog about it but for now I want to talk about the last day I spent in separations. It wasn't enough that I was being discharged but I had to wait in separations for two weeks before they sent me home. It was a very rough experience. Now as I was nearing the end I couldn't wait to go home. On my last full day I really felt that I needed to stay busy otherwise that day would have felt like an eternity. So I volunteered for a work party. It wasn't mandatory on this day but I felt it would be good for me. This work party took place in the building where they hold the graduation ceremonies. Up until this point I had only seen pictures of the place from when my brother in law graduated from boot camp. We were assigned to clean bleachers and mop floors. At first it didn't bother me that much. I don't mind doing that kind of work. I used to clean the floors at a grocery store I worked at and to be honest it was one of my favorite jobs. I found it relaxing. I was dusting off the bleachers and after a while of doing this I had to stop to kind of catch my breath. I looked out over the entire room. Other than the few of us assigned to clean the area it was empty. The thought occured to me that this was as far as I would ever get in the Navy. I pictured my family sitting on the bleachers looking out at all those graduating, searching for me but never finding me, there faces frowning in disappointment. I just wanted to make them proud for once instead of always letting them down. I glanced over at the other guys cleaning and wondered briefly if they were thinking the same thing. If I could re-live this day I would have stayed in the compartment and shined my shoes or something. By choosing to keep myself busy all I really accomplished was making myself feel like a failure and in this one case that wasn't true. If I ever look back at that whole experience and think of myself as a failure I remind myself that I didn't quit the Navy, the choice was made by someone else. Out of the whole experience it was only that one day that I would change. I wouldn't go back and stop myself from signing up in the first place. The experience as a whole made me a much stronger person although it took me awhile to realize that.

What is your biggest ecological or environmental concern? What are you doing to make a difference?
Sponsored by One Million Acts of Green brought to you by Cisco.

I love the outdoors. I live in an area that just stepping outside makes me feel like I am a part of nature. I could get on an atv and within five minutes i'm in the moutains and can't see the town in which I live. It's quite lovely to have that. Sometimes when riding around on the atv is see an area that is littered with trash. Often it's empty beer cans and food containers. I have nothing against the beer drinker. I have been known to knock back a few every now and then. But throwing trash around bothers me. Occasionally I clean up what I see but not often because I find that the mess is often to big. The sad thing is that most of this trash isn't place there by people from out of town but instead by people that live around here but don't realize that what they are doing isn't good for the environment. I always make it a point to clean after myself. If i'm out camping I leave the area I was in nicer than before I got there. They taught me this in the boy scouts but they didn't need to. I've always been this way. I just love nature and appreciate the peace and the beauty that it offers. If i'm ever fortunate enough to have children of my own I want them to be able to enjoy nature as I have. I would just encourage people to clean up after themselves. The world is going to be here long after we are gone. Let's leave it looking nice for the next generation.

What change have you made in your life that you're most proud of?
Sponsored by Nature Made.

Stepping out of my comfort zone has been the best thing i've ever done. I was content at one time to keep myself in the background. I didn't want to draw attention to myself because I didn't think there was anything about me that anyone would find interesting. I was scared of being looked down on and the idea of being humiliated horrified me. If I put myself in that vulnerable position I was bound to cause myself much sorrow. These feelings wrapped themselves around me like a noose and the only way I felt comfort was by deciding to keep to myself. That was the only way I could feel safe. For years I was like this. It was when I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and started talking to people that I found happiness and most of all strength to handle the down moments. We all have them. It's a characteristic that links us. When we realize that, the feelings that weigh us down aren't as strong. They never leave us completely. It is a day to day process but we are all strong enough to handle it. Especially when we realize we are not alone. Now someone reading this that suffers from being a wallflower might not fully agree. They might think that there is no way someone can know this and the only thing I can really say is that I was that way. That's how I know. If I really think about my life and all of the changes I've made I can honestly say that this is what i'm most proud of.

I had my own demon once. It was always by my side. I watched as it fed on the souls of every person I came into contact with. It never fed on mine because it had other plans for me. It found me the day I was born. It whispered into my ear things that didn’t mean anything to me at the time but mean so much now. It told me it picked me because I had been born with a twin that didn’t survive and that left a gap that needed to be filled. Since I was born already knowing death I could easily fill that gap by becoming a demon. I liked the sound of that. We all have a purpose in life, I thought that was mine.

                When I was about seven years old it finally showed itself to me. It stood about five feet tall and was covered in black scales. It had the fiercest red eyes, eyes like fire. Most of the time it stayed hidden in the shadows and in my head. I never knew its name. It told me once that it didn’t translate well into English. It was too dark and words from our tongue couldn’t do it justice so I just called it my demon because that’s what it was.

            On my eighteenth birthday it picked my first victim, a girl. My demon had marked her because of her innocence and it was my job to destroy her faith. Up until that point in my life I’d only observed, now was the time to participate. I had been training for this moment since birth. I’d have to succeed otherwise my place in Hell would be uncertain. It was a lot of pressure to put on a teenager. I remember the day well. It was an important moment in my life.

            I had followed her all afternoon with my car, my demon guiding me. She first pulled in front of a hair salon but she was far enough away that the only feature I could make out was her blonde hair. As I waited, my demon gave me further instruction.

“To most in your world, she is beautiful. You mustn’t let that distract you from your goal but you mustn’t forget it either. When you gaze upon her, think of the great work we could accomplish if she was on our side. Men would seek her and instead find us. Her beauty is a powerful tool that could be used either for good or for evil. If we don’t get her first, someone else surely will.”

            Somewhere in that short space of time she got back in her car and started driving down the road but it didn’t register on me until she was about a half a mile away. I had been lost in my thoughts. I had been expecting a big motivational speech from my demon, kind of like the ones a coach would give his football team right before the big game but it never came. Instead, what I felt was an added pressure. There was something in its words that told me I better not screw this up. I sped on down the road, quickly closing the gap between me and her but trying not to make it too obvious. When she pulled into a grocery store parking lot, I knew the time to act was finally here.

            I looked at the sign on the store, it said Farley’s. I had never heard of it before. That didn’t really mean anything though. I had never had to grocery shop before. I had parents back at home that did that.  I did have a general idea of what the layout would be like though. There were all pretty much the same.

            I was nervous enough that I could taste bile in the back of my mouth. I knew that once I started talking to her that everything would be alright but how did one start a conversation in a grocery store? Not know the answer to that question bothered me.

            As luck would have it I didn’t have to worry about what to say for long because suddenly she fell down in the middle of the parking lot. I barely heard her cry out over the sound of my demon cackling. I would have laughed myself if she didn’t look like she was hurt. Instead, I got out of my car and ran towards her.

            When I got closer to her I saw that my demon was right, she was beautiful. Only it was a beauty I had never seen before. It started with her eyes, the way they sparkled like emeralds even through her tears. When I looked into them I saw purity. I held her gaze for as long as I could, trying to understand what it was I was going to take away from her but I couldn’t because it was something I had never known.

“You alright?” I heard myself say. I knew it once it didn’t sound sincere but she seemed to take no notice.

“I think so.” She said. “I rolled my foot on a rock or something.” She wiped at her eyes. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Oh, don’t be.” I said. “It happens to everybody at one time or another.” I reached out my hand to her. “Here, let me help you up.”

She smiled up at me and grabbed a hold of my hand. Her skin was soft to the touch. She was a delicate creature. I pulled her up with little effort. She was almost weightless.

“Thanks.” She said.

“No problem.” I managed to say. She turned and started to walk away. I wanted to stop her but didn’t know how.

“You’re gonna want to let her get inside before you do anything.” My demon said. “You come on too strong in the beginning and you’ll scare her away.”

I watched her walk all the way to the store entrance. When she got there she turned around and looked right at me. She must have sensed that I was watching her. Probably felt my eyes on her the whole time. She waved and then walked inside.

            After standing in place for what seemed like forever I finally started to make my way towards the grocery store. With each passing second I grew more and more uncomfortable with the situation. There was something else about her. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was but something definitely wasn’t right. I told myself that my feelings were normal but that didn’t help.

“What am I going to do?” I whispered to myself.

“Go in and by something. What else would you do?” my demon answered. It caught me off guard. I wasn’t talking to my demon and that wasn’t exactly what I meant. That was the only disadvantage to having my own demon. I didn’t exactly have any privacy.

            Once inside the store I was knocked back by incense. It was too strong to tell what it was. They usually were. The closest thing I could identify it with was chalk. It burned the inside of my nose. In the background elevator music was playing. That was when it hit me, the reason why I’d never heard of the place before. It wasn’t a grocery store at all, it was a health store. I suddenly felt as uncomfortable here as I would have felt if I was at church. The place was crowded too. They usually were.

            I remember looking around and feeling completely lost. I didn’t recognize anything except for vitamins. Everybody knew what they were. There was a whole aisle devoted to them. It was a pretty small place. I knew that if I stood in the vitamin aisle long enough my chances of running into her were pretty good. I made my way towards them, passing dietary supplements, muscle enhancers, and weight gaining products. Along the way I passed a whole slew of people that seemed to know there way around the store far better than me yet none of them looked healthy.

            I don’t know what vitamins are supposed to do for a person but apparently they’re pretty important. Standing in front of a display of them I knew I wouldn’t look out of place. The problem was picking one I could use. I recognized a lot of the names but didn’t know what they really were.

“Can I help you find something sir?” someone asked. I spun around to be greeted by the one who was my reason for being there in the first place.

“Oh, hello.” She said, smiling once more. “You finding what you need all right?”

I didn’t notice it when I first saw her but her shirt had said Farley’s on it.  I was taken back. I didn’t have to go searching for her after all. Instead she found me. The only problem now was I couldn’t think of a thing to say. My mind was completely blank. The smile on her face started to lose some of its sincerity and turn awkward.

“I’m just browsing.” I finally managed to spit out. I felt my face heat up.

“Ok.” She said. “ Well, if you need anything I’ll be on the next aisle over.” She turned and left. I breathed in her perfume vapors as she walked by.

“Thanks.” I called out to her. I felt my heart thumping in my chest. It distorted everything around me. I reached forward to grab for a bottle, any bottle. It didn’t matter because there was nothing further I could do that day. I couldn’t approach the girl again without coming across as a crazy person. As I checked out I waited for me demon to say something, the silence cut like a razor. I could feel it moving restlessly beneath my skin.

            When I got into my car, I didn’t start it. Instead I just sat there and stared straight ahead. I felt pathetic. There was more that I could have done. I gave up too soon.

“This isn’t a practice run.” My demon finally said. “This is the real thing. You can’t walk away from this. I’ve been listening to your thoughts and you’re right, you did mess up, but you’re wrong if you think it’s over. You don’t have the luxury of quitting. When I mark someone they are mine. I don’t turn away and neither do you. You know how important she is. You’ve been in her presence. You’ve felt the effect she can have on a person. That’s why she is so important. That’s also why I’m not gonna punish. I see now that I’m gonna have to help you but It’s gonna hurt though. It’s gonna hurt real bad in fact.”

“What?” I started to say but was cut off when a searing pain coursed through my entire body. My skin stretched out until it looked like sausage casing. My head felt like it was going to explode.

“What are you doing?” I managed to yell out even though my vocal cords felt like they were being scraped by razor blades.

“Technically I’m doing everything.” My demon said. “But I need to use your body so you’ll share in the credit.”

Demonic possessions could kill a person. The poison that my demon thrived on came into full contact with my internal organs. In time the damage it could cause would become irreversible. I didn’t know how much time I had and I knew my demon wouldn’t care. You had to have a heart to be able to care.

“She walked into the stare. Sooner or later she has to come out. All we have to do is wait.”

I had never seen this side of my demon before. I knew of it but it had never shown it to me before. Ever since I could remember it had always been a friend to me. It was the one that was always there. It had never inflicted pain on me before and now it did with such ease it was almost natural. It didn’t even warn me. I shouldn’t have been surprised.

At the moment the pain became too much, I saw her. Could that much time really have passed? I wasn’t sure. Looking at her I felt all the hate that my demon was made up of. It was like a dagger in my heart.

            I watched as my hand reached out and opened the car door. My heart began to race. As I stepped out of the car the sun burned my eyes. I felt like I was about to go blind. My head started to spin. All I could see was a white light. I thought my demon was killing me and then suddenly it stopped. I could see everything around me just fine and the pain that I’d felt only seconds before was now completely gone. Once again I had complete control of my body. Almost immediately the exhaustion of what my body had been through caught up with me and I fell to my knees.

            I wasn’t sure how it happened but when I looked up and saw my demon cowering in front of the girl I started to understand why. Early on I’d felt that there was something about her that was different than other girls. My demon had sensed it too only he didn’t know what it was.

            My demon looked over at me with hatred in its eyes and started yelling in its own tongue. Even though I’d never heard its language before, I had a pretty good idea what it was saying. Hate is a universal language.

            When the girl reached forward and placed her hand on its head it went quiet. The look of hate was replaced by a look of fear. Suddenly it burst into flames. It shocked me but I didn’t look away. I watched as my demon turned into nothingness. Something inside told me it had to be this way.

            The girl walked over to me afterwards, a warm smile on her face. Normally I would have though running away would be a good idea but her smile assured me that everything was going to be fine.

            “It’s ok to feel bad for him.” She said as if she was reading my mind. “But I ask that you don’t mourn for him because he had this coming.”

I could see the conviction in her eyes.

“Someday you’ll understand. You’ll realize that you are better than him and while what he offered may have seemed good, there’s something even greater out there for you, something he could never offer.”

I believed her. I had always known that my life had a purpose. Only now I didn’t know what that was.

“Your brother was taken from you too soon. Unfortunately that happens sometimes. Somehow this demon was able to fill the spot that your brother left behind. He taught you his ways but they weren’t the right ways. That’s something you need to learn on your own but never would have with your demon present. You need to learn both before you can start making choices on your own.”

I was trying to understand. I really wanted to. I just had so many questions running through my mind.

“Who are you?” I finally asked. That seemed to be the most important one at the time. Her smile seemed to get even brighter as if she’d been waiting for me to ask.

An image flashed in my mind of the same girl, only she was covered in a white silk dress that flowed down past her feet. White wings unfolded from her back lifting her slightly off the ground. I felt something inside at the moment. Something that’s hard to describe but I think it was peace. It wrapped itself around me like a blanket. I never felt it before and I haven’t felt it since but I’ll never forget it. And then the image was gone. Once again I was staring at the girl in the parking lot.

“I know you have a lot of questions running through your mind and in time you’ll find the answers to them.”

I felt my heartbeat begin to race. 

“Are you leaving me?” I asked.

“Not exactly.” She said “You may not be able to see me but I’ll always be close.”

She picked that moment to walk away. I called out to her hoping she’d come back but when she turned around there was something different about her and I knew that the girl that had talked to me only seconds before was gone.

            I keep hoping that I’ll see her again someday. I’ve felt her presence so I know she’s close. If I do what’s right maybe I will see her again. The problem is knowing what’s right. I never had to think about that before. Now I spend most of my time trying to figure that out. It seems important but I don’t really know why yet. I just try and remember that feeling I had when I was in her presence, when I saw her true form. I want to feel that again. That’s become my goal and I won’t settle for anything less. It took awhile but I think I finally found my purpose in life.

THE END

            Jake stood at the entranceway to the tunnels second guessing himself. He was trying to work up the courage to step inside but the darkness within promised to swallow him whole if he did. He couldn’t turn away though. His curiosity wouldn’t allow it.

            Ever since he could remember there had been stories about the tunnels. Horrible things were said to have happened within them. The stories were so far out though that he wasn’t sure if he believed any of them. Yet murder, mutilation, and all manner of torture was enough to make even the strongest man think twice. No one in town would blame him if he turned back, no one even knew he was there, but if he did he would feel the shame that came with being a coward. It would eat at him like a cancer until there was nothing left.

            Finally convinced that this was something he needed to do he took his first step forward. As he entered the mouth of the tunnel he imagined he could hear screams of agony coming from deep within. He could see himself lying on a sacrificial table, a knife plunging deep into his flesh, blood spraying out of his mouth. He could almost taste it. He tried to shake his head of the image but something of that nature wasn’t easily forgotten. He’d never seen anything like that before. How that could just appear in his head he didn’t know. He told himself that it was just the darkness playing on his fears and continued to move forward.

            He turned on his flashlight and pointed it down the tunnel. It seemed to stretch forever but he knew that somewhere along the way it would have to open up and maybe that would be far enough to give him some answers. If the stories were true it was reasonable to assume that there would be some kind of evidence in there to back them up.

            The tunnel was perfectly round, making it impossible to walk straight without stumbling every now and then. It was humid inside making his flesh feel almost like clay. The tunnels ran underneath a town that no longer existed so they no longer served a purpose. Thinking about it now Jake wasn’t certain what purpose they would serve if the town was still alive. They weren’t exactly what he’d expected. Despite being round, the surface was coarse. Although he’d never stepped foot in a tunnel before, that just didn’t seem right. He was almost certain that the surface was supposed to be smooth. It made more sense that way. The idea struck him that maybe they never had a chance to finish the tunnels, like maybe something happened and they had to stop work. His stomach tightened into knots at the thought of it. He glanced back over his shoulder. The entranceway was now just a speck of light. That’s when he saw it.

The tunnel was about to open up a short distance ahead of him. He stopped dead in his tracks. He became suddenly aware of his own heavy breathing. There was something waiting for him just ahead. He could feel it. It was watching him, waiting for the right moment. He felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He once again saw himself stretched out on the table.

            The flashlight began to shake in his hands. Just as it started slipping through his fingers he felt his body go slack and he let the darkness consume him.

            In the darkness a person can lose all sense of time. It has a way of playing tricks on the mind. Jake had no idea how long he’d been out. It could have been a minute. It could have been an hour. He didn’t know. What he did know was that his head felt like it had been split open and he felt heat on the back of his eyelids. Some time during his unconsciousness he must have been moved. The ground felt different. It was flat and smooth instead of round and rough. He tried to keep his eyes closed for as long as he could but the need to know finally overtook him.

            He didn’t scream out in fear once he opened his eyes. Most people would have. He couldn’t. His mouth had been sewn shut; he could feel the stitch work. He couldn’t act shocked either. It was just like he’d imagined it earlier.

Scurr… scurr….scurr………scurr………..scurr…………….scurr……….scurr…..

            Jake watched the knife sliding back and forth on the sharpening stone. The man doing the sharpening was dressed in a long black robe. He looked away, examining his surroundings.

            Candles were spread around him. The flames spat crimson red. Shadows danced across the walls, they looked like demons reaching for him from the other side. His arms and legs were bound tightly to a round table. The knots cut into him. Escape wasn’t possible. He’d have to let this play out however the man wanted it to.

“What’s up, buddy?” The man said, cutting into Jake’s thoughts. “You comfortable over there?”

Jake looked back at the man. He had a twisted smile on his face. He looked like the devil or how Jake imagined the devil might look. His long silver hair flowed down past his shoulders and he had the deepest, darkest eyes.

“You’ve been out for a couple of hours. I was starting to get worried. You even slept through my little sewing job. Most people wake up about halfway through and end up ripping apart the stitches. “

Jake wanted to say something so bad. He even tested how well his mouth was sewn shut. The pain brought tears to his eyes. Blood trickled down his throat.

“Right about now you’re probably wondering what you’re doing here. That’s normal. I would be too. It’s very simple really so I’m just gonna get right to it. You are here to die and I am the one that’s gonna kill you. I just want to make that clear right now so you don’t start thinking that there’s a chance you’re gonna make it out of here alive. That’s just not gonna happen. The one thing I can guarantee though is that when it does happen, it’ll be fast and the pain won’t last too long.”

            The man’s voice started to distort like the teacher in the old Charlie Brown episodes. He seemed far too comfortable in what he was saying, like he’d said it many times before. That could only mean that the stories were true, but that just wasn’t possible. In most of the stories there were no survivors so the story itself didn’t make sense. In some, however, there were only missing people that were never heard from again. They all seemed to start off the same way with someone just as curious as Jake standing in the entranceway. That seemed possible and as soon as Jake realized that he lost all control.

            He was overcome by the desire to scream and the stitches weren’t gonna stop him this time. He took several deep breaths and used all the strength he could gather to open his mouth. The stitches ripped right through his lips. He screamed out in pain.

“Now what did you go and do that for? Huh? You stupid or something?”

Jake looked at the man and then at his knife.

“SOMEBODY HELP ME!” He screamed. “HELP!”

“You’re wasting your breath kid.” He said, shaking his head. “Even if someone heard you they wouldn’t get to you in time.”

He couldn’t help it though. It seemed like the right thing to do at the moment.

“GOD HELP ME! PLEASE!” He broke down and started to sob. His curiosity had led him to this moment. Somehow he knew this was going to happen. He’d seen it in a vision. It was meant to be.

            As the man began to chant and raise his knife above him Jake wondered who would be next. Because someday someone just as curious as him would follow in his footsteps. That was the way the world was. Despite every warning there would always be somebody who just had to know.

            The man brought the knife down into Jake’s stomach and twisted it. Blood sprayed from the wound covering the man’s face. It didn’t seem to bother him. He stepped back admiring his handiwork. He nodded in approval. Jake felt his life slipping away. The man hadn’t lied. He had to give him that. It would be over soon. As his eyes began to close he wondered who would tell his story and what kind of story they would tell. In all his life nothing seemed more important than this. The only thing that scared him more than death was being forgotten and if this could somehow keep his memory alive then he was ok with it.

            The man watched the light fade from Jake’s eyes, he always watched. It was his favorite part. When it was all over with he couldn’t help but smile. He knew this would be a good story to tell and couldn’t wait to share it with a whole new generation.

The End.